Jimmy Eat World rocks hard.

today was a really bad day. my mom was feeling really really upset because she and my dad finished with this "divorce mediation", (that's mediation, not meditation) and so they split up all the assets, and properties. she thinks she got the crappy end of the deal, but i don't know enough about law to really have a say. i feel so awful for her, and plus my dad took me out for dessert today, and he was in a really really good mood, it was great. but i sort of felt guilty when i came home, because my mom was so sad. i decided not to go out tonight because of it, and i think it was the right thing to do. not to mention my stupid "comforting" job i did when she came home for lunch. it always really bugs me when people who i care about act helpless, and don't do anything to stand up for themselves. so i got sort of angry at her, because she was feeling bad for herself (which she was totally entitled to do.), so i took the "drill-sargent" route of trying to make herself feel better, but i ended up making her feel worse. an example, "you're only feeling bad because you're letting them control your feelings! you don't have to feel bad if you don't want to!". i guess it reads better than it sounds. then i found out i'm not going to Eastern Cup anymore, and it upset me more than i thought it would. god, i can't believe i'm not going...and it's all because this other kid isn't going anymore, so the coach doesn't want to send only one swimmer to a big meet like that. so i'm totally screwed over. i know my problem isn't really a big problem, but they didn't even fucking call or anything to tell me that i wasn't going anymore. what assholes.

"Blown Wide Open" by Big Wreck. the instrumental ending is my favourite part.

now i really wish i didn't give this address out to friends. i can't write what i want, because i don't want them to see it...

my brother (the youngest out of the three, but older than me) is graduating today. i dunno if my dad is going to go or not. it'll be so awkward if he does, but it'll be awkward if he doesn't too. the oldest one graduated not too long ago too, but meh. i don't really have anything to say about it except congrats to him.

i had a swim meet during the weekend that just passed. my swim team is arranged in a weird way, because it used to be two different teams, then they joined up into one big one, but we don't practice together, because the other half (the smaller one) is farther away. so we only see eachother at meets. and so this was the first time i had met this guy face to face, who was on my team. he's younger than me (i think he's 13 or 14) and he had a reputation of being "a real little shit" (direct quote). so whatever, i thought he was ok. until he asks me what the difference between a chinese and a japanese person is. this wasn't a joke or anything. he honestly was expecting me to answer that as if it was a question that made sense. (by the way, i'm chinese). so i tell him that chinese people are from china, and japanese people are from japan. and he says "no, i mean...well do chinese people look like this..., and do japanese people look like this....?" and he used his hands to make his eyes slant up wards, then downwards. i mean, what the hell do you say to that?! i didn't know what to say, it was so stupid. and he wasn't even trying to be offensive. i just stared at him, and i don' t remember what i said, but god, i felt like slapping him. even though i'm from a small town, i never feel like people are ever being racist to me, even though i think i've become really sensitive to it.
i don't know if you're chinese,or any minority, but does it bug you when (say you're oriental) people are trying to imitate your language by saying stuff like "ching chang chong"?? no one's ever done it to me to make me feel bad, but it fucking pisses me off! it's tough for people to understand though, unless they've been a minority at some point. i don't know if it's worse when people don't understand what i'm trying to say though, and they act too compassionate. like the time our lady peace had the "life" video and they filled it with all these chinese symbols. i told someone how i didn't like it cause of that (cause it's like they're trying to act like they're deep). and the person i was talking to was like "yeah, it's a friggin language! they're acting like it's an art or something. they're misusing it! you should only use it if you're chinese."
but i totally disagreed with that, and that wasn't even close to my point! *sigh* i didn't say anything though, i just gave up trying to explain. plus sometimes it's the thought that counts.

new site: lemon_sunrise.tripod.com

I saw the new Will Smith video today. it's the one for men in black 2, and man, i dunno about you guys, but i feel kind of dumb watching it. Just...look at it. it feels so lame. It made me think about how cool his first songs were (u know...the first men in black one..miami...those ones) yet they were worst than his new one. I dont' think i could do what he does though. not because of lack of talent or anything, but just because i'd probably keep bursting out laughing, cause i'd feel like an ass. right? right. nod 'ya head!

p.s. "What's That You Say" by Sprung Monkey. I've never heard anything else from this band. I got this song back when Napster was in the middle of it's lawsuit, and was trying to get people to listen to more lesser-known, and probably napster-supporting bands. This was one of their suggested songs.
p.p.s. i know this is a sign of my need to watch less muchmusic, but has anyone seen the new p.diddy video with usher in it? what's with when usher lifts up his shirt, looks at his abs, then looks up again, and his face is all torn with emotional pain?!?!?! look for it next time they play the video!

arg, i give up! I've spent the whole afternoon trying to figure out FTP, and even with all the "FTP frequently asked questions" that i could find, i still don't know why it won't work. all i want to do is move this blog to a different site! but enough of nerd ranting.
I started another blog with some friends, at champagne_supernova.blogspot.com. I wouldn't bother taking a look at it, since it's mostly us just talking back an forth. (sort of like a really slow msn conversation)
geebuz! my eyes go really wrinkly when i smile! i'm past my prime, and i'm only sixteen!! aaaaaah shallowness, I have a feeling we're going to get pretty well acquainted as i get older.
oh and by the way, just for all you french grammar police, the A in "blogging a la steph" is supposed to be an à, not the big A with the squiggle. for some reason, it won't work out.

p.s. if I keep naming songs after every blog, i'll probably run out sooner or later.
p.p.s. "paper and plastic" by the Rosenbergs. it's the definition of the "okay" song.

I'm going to try to keep all my entries short, cause the font is so DARN HUGEman, i hate stupid people. well...no...i hate stupid people who think they're smart. example: today in our art exam. we spent a whole fucking unit on analyzing art pieces, and we are told that our exam will consist of regurgitating exactly what we were told. come exam day, all the dumbasses are complaining that she sprang new stuff on us at the last moment. well what the hell were they expecting?? for her to give us some crayons and a fullscap paper and tell us to draw what we're feeling? god knows some of them did that anyways. whatever though. it shouldn't bug me, cause it doesn't even envolve me. but still...
i could go on forever, but i won't *see first line of this entry*
ah well..screw the first line of the entry. I don't know if i want to talk about my friends in here (they weren't the stupid people i was talking about. this is a new subject), because i told some of them the address to this blog. 'Cause i know some of them would feel weird about me writing about them...well...i won't say anything...for now! bwahaha (sorry kids)
p.s. "my happiness" by powderfinger. good song!

my chemistry exam wasn't too bad. one down, 3 to go...
geez, i'm graduating next year! it's going to feel so weird, being on the losing end of the double cohort and all. I won't even be legal when i go to university! hahaha as if it matters...just kidding. It doesn't feel right - to be leaving so soon. I feel like...well...you know the feeling you get when you know you're going to miss something you still have later on? that's the feeling i've had since last year, when i realized just how much time i have left having (virtually) no responsabilities, and how short youth really is. Well, whatever this feeling is, it feels magnified 10x, because i'm listening to "Freshmen" by Verve Pipe. haha

moles...cycloalkynes...avogadro...blogs...
damn!
there goes my concentration. at least my chemistry concentration.
I was thinking about how good everyone else's blogs are ("so word-y..and...uh..yeah....stuff. you know.")
and I don't even know how to work mine! ("template?? what-the...refresh! refresh!")
"a window into my mental musings" aw geez. i sound like a wannabe psychic
or a community newspaper columnist.
I hope being a deep thinker isn't a requirement to own one of these thingies.
i wouldn't know. i didn't really read the terms of service. just joking....or am I? *no, i'm not*
:p
(but seriously. who really does? if someone did, and they're reading this now, email me
and tell me you did. no, just kidding. don't do that. by the time someone would have emailed me
that they did read the terms of service, i'd have probably forgotten what i'd written in here, and wouldn't
have a clue what you'd be talking about anyways.)
i actually did have a point to make, but i forgot it...maybe i already made it...
this reminds me of that show they used to have on PBS. what was it called? oh yeah,
"American High". where they followed around those high school seniors.
man, morgan was such a jackass. kids (hah, they were older than me at the time) can
be such a pain in the ass, eh? I know I wouldn't want a lil' bugger. no, I lie. but i think
i'm a pretty good kid to my parents, and yet I don't think i'd want a kid like me...well maybe.
we could share the same clothes! (only I would have kids so we could share clothes)

is anyone actually following my train of thought here? people have told me before
that sometimes when i talk, i jump from one point to another, without mentioning
the connections. but it all makes sense in this tête.
anyways...back to chemistry.....
(there was all that obsessing I promised you guys)

p.s. "La Bomba" Azul Azul. hahaha good Dominican Republic memories. ("dance sexy! dance sexy! it's the sexy dance!" -Miguel)

ahhh
inspirations and applications, now..
how's this for a random spur of energy?
new blog.
somehow i thought that the sign up process would be longer
and I would end up losing interest while trying to think
up of an original username
well whaddaya know.
anyways, now that I have a blog to
obsess over, neglect, and eventually
forget (most likely - everyone does)
i really should get back to studying for
the chemistry exam.

p.s. "at the stars" better than ezra. my ultimate nostalgia song